Breaking Free: Embracing Self-Worth and Letting Go of Harmful Relationships

Have you ever wondered why we repeat certain behaviors, even when they seem to do us more harm than good? Is it because we've been conditioned to live this way, or is there something deeper driving our actions?

I often find myself longing for a relationship with my father, despite our lack of connection during my childhood. I continuously reach out to him, seeking his advice and hoping to build a bond. Even though I know there’s a high chance he’ll forget or something will come between us, I hold onto a sliver of hope that he’ll prove me wrong. I do this time and time again, driven by an unyielding desire to mend this fractured relationship.

Why do we hold onto relationships that may cause us more pain than joy? This is a deeply personal and challenging topic for me as I work to recover from being a lifelong people-pleaser.

Throughout my life, I've prioritized others' needs over my own, driven by a crippling belief that I wasn’t good enough. I went out of my way to make others feel valued and loved, all while suffocating on the inside. Reflecting on this pattern forced me to dig into my past to understand why I was the way I was, and this journey of healing has brought about clarity.

Starting with my parents' divorce, beyond the physical separation, the emotional aftermath shaped my life in profound ways. At just four years old, the stability and security of my home shattered. My strong-willed mother harbored deep animosity towards my father, and even as a young child, I felt the tension. Loving one parent seemed to risk the affection of the other, creating a delicate and painful balance.

My father's close bond with my brother often left me feeling isolated and overlooked. By the age of seven, I began to resist visits to his house, grappling with feelings of abandonment and the painful reminder of my perceived inferior relationship with him. My mother’s remarriage and the birth of my sister only intensified these feelings. The disparity in attention and recognition left me feeling inadequate and invisible.

Seeking validation outside my home, I adopted a 'people-pleaser' persona. My self-worth hinged on meeting others' expectations and garnering praise. I became the go-to person for making others feel good, all while dying inside. A therapist once complimented my ability to keep a bright smile despite my internal struggles.

Now, through this grueling healing process, I am learning to break free from the need for external validation. I am reclaiming my core values and identity. I realize that the people I give chances to may not have the capacity to love me the way I need AND THAT’S OKAY.  I am no longer the little girl seeking validation, love, and approval. I am a woman who values herself, loves the small joys in life, and finds happiness in humor, art, and writing.

This journey hasn’t been easy. Each day is a new challenge, reminding myself that I am worthy, valuable, and loved just as I am. I am learning that it’s okay to put my feelings first, to say no, and to cut toxic people out of my life.